Craving Fiction?

A small, coffee-house style environment for posting your fanfiction (or original fiction). Those desiring feedback need look no further!
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green jell-o



Number of posts: 47
Age: 19
Location: earth
Registration date: 2008-02-08

PostSubject: feed back this   Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:15 pm

there once was a little man
who drove to work in a van

what he never knew
may have killed you

oh feel bad for that poor little man

there once was little girl
who loved to spin and twirl

she'd fall on the ground
from spinning around

oh remember that that glad little girl

one day very earl' in the morn'
drove that poor little man by the shore

of the cold frothy sea
where he could barely see

through the cold misty air of the morn'

spinning and twirling she came
acrossing the street like a game

the van could not stop
he forgot the top

of the coffee now spilled on the floor

when the car finally came to a halt
he got out and ran to the spot

where he'd spotted the girl
he was preparing to hurl

but the little girl just wasn't there

turning and looking around
he saw a small bird on the ground

and as he beheld
the bird that he'd felled

the small creature began to rise

he remembered haveing seen the the girl
while she spinned and twirled and whorled


give you more later got to go by

. . . doing this as i go i just wanted the first post here lol!

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Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz
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green jell-o



Number of posts: 47
Age: 19
Location: earth
Registration date: 2008-02-08

PostSubject: Re: feed back this   Fri Feb 22, 2008 1:18 pm

boy i just looked back at this and i'm creepy

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Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz
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